What Child is This?

Christians believe it is the most meaningful of all questions. And it all began with a baby born unceremoniously in a stable, who grew to become the most well-known and powerful figure in the world.

To some he was merely a Cynic¹, a traveling teacher of moral truths. To others, he never even existed, a phantom of history, fabricated simply to enable a small group to exert power over the masses.² Put simply, there was no advantage gained by the people driving the story of redemption through Jesus, and that fact would continue for several hundred years.

A Legend?

In his trilemma, C.S. Lewis wisely stated that Jesus was either a liar, a lunatic, or lord.³ And taking the biblical gospel accounts at face value, one must certainly come to one of these three conclusions. But these days people often do not take the biblical accounts of Jesus as “gospel.” But if one were to question these accounts, one other possibility arises.

Legend.

Could the story of the miraculous birth celebrated by billions today at Christmastime, along with the other accounts of his life, death, and resurrection, be a tall tale told long ago? The claim is, perhaps, worth our investigation.

Would a group of first-century Jews, wanting to create a following for themselves, have fabricated a story about a man who was put to death by the enemy many Jews expected the Messiah to defeat?

Like those who saw Jesus suffering on the cross, most Jews would have wondered why Jesus could not save himself from his enemies if he were the true Messiah. Or since the Messiah would be God’s anointed, they would have wondered why God did not save him. “Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down from the cross that we may see and believe,” the chief priests and scribes taunted. He didn’t come down from the cross, but after crying in a loud voice, he died.⁴

But the story didn’t end there. Something inexplicable happened. The Jews were looking for a confirmation from God, some earnestly and others only in jest, nevertheless some of them came to believe in Jesus after his death. Their claim was that God let him die, and just as Abraham believed that God would have been able to raise Isaac from the dead, so they came to believe that God had raised Jesus from the dead.⁴ Each of the four gospels testify to this resurrection from the dead.

Even if you’re not impressed with the testimony of the gospel accounts, you must deal with the fact that the baby would eventually become known as a man of great wisdom and a worker of miracles even outside of Christian accounts of his life. The historian Josephus, writing in the late first century, confirms these happenings, along with his trial and subsequent crucifixion by Pontius Pilate. Josephus even confirms his followers’ continued devotion to Jesus after his death.⁶⁵   The Roman historian Cornelius Tacitus, who died in the early second century, wrote in his Annals that Christians had become a despised and tortured faction under Nero, illustrating the improbably that the faith was based on a non-historic figure since, among other things, not enough time had elapsed for legend to arise.⁷

The Power of Jesus is the Best Evidence

Maybe the situation is simply a question of power. If Jesus never existed and was not who the gospels say he was, then how does one explain his power? It seems to be simple a dilemma, really. If he were not the savior of the world, would not this fledgling persecuted movement have simply died in its infancy?⁸ Of course, concluding that Jesus must then be the savior of the world isn’t the only logical conclusion, but on the other hand, this conclusion has something more than mere speculation going for it. People with much greater prestige and influence have declared themselves to be a god or other such person of significance both before and after Christ walked the earth. Yet, it would be this simple life, begun in a stable, whose name would become the most powerful on earth. The baby, born as a member of a conquered and despised race, lived the life of a poor builder from Galilee—a region despised even amongst the Jews—would twenty centuries later have the a third of the world’s population identify themselves by his name. Is this not precisely how a loving God would manifest his power in the world? Would not forgiveness springing forth from love be the vehicle that would most clearly manifest God’s power?

The King who Conquered with Love

“My kingdom is not of this world or my followers would fight,” he would utter to Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor, just hours before his death by crucifixion.⁹ And indeed, his followers refused to fight, at least not in the way that Pilate understood the term. But they would fight against themselves, against their own passions and desires; living, loving, and even dying for and in the name of Christ. They would use otherworldly weapons in their battle. Their weapons were love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, and even peace.¹⁰ The only blood they would allow to be spilled was their own. Their fight would be a literal alien invasion against Rome, the most powerful nation the world had ever seen. And eventually, this baby-born-in-a-manger conquered Rome itself. And ultimately left every person who comes into contact with his story to answer the most important question of their lives.

What child is this?

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1 One wonders how scholars knowledgable about Second Temple Judaism could come to this conclusion. Yet several scholars, including John Dominic Crossan, have come to lean heavily toward this idea. The Cynic was a teacher in Greco-Roman society who had very little regard in the strongly Jewish circles where Jesus taught. Stated simply, Jesus was thoroughly Jewish, as was his audience, his disciples, and much of the first generation of Christians. In fact, no early testimony exists that recounts Jesus to be any such character as a Cynic. NT Wright. Jesus and the Victory of God: Christian Origins and the Question of God, Volume Two (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1996), 64-7.

2 Justo L. Gonzalez. The Story of Christianity: The Early Church to the Dawn of the Reformation, Volume One (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1984), 27-30. The skeptics never tell us how Jesus’ followers benefited from any of this unless, as the disciples claimed, they were truly reconciled to God and would receive an eternal award in the next life. They got no real financial gain from the entire episode, neither did they obtain great power and prestige. Outside the Bible, the history of the apostles’ careers is sketchy, but the bits we can ascertain show that they lived hard lives, suffered persecution, and finally were executed or else sent into exile. As the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 5:19, “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.”

3 CS Lewis. Mere Christianity (London: Collins, 1952), 54-6.

4 Mark 15.32-7, ESV.

5 Because history cannot actually repeat itself, there is no way to prove a miraculous event. The very nature of “miracle” assumes a rare and unexpected event. However, history does record several very interesting facts that can most logically be explained by this completely illogical event, the Resurrection. NT Wright has spoken extensively on seven mutations that occurred in early Christianity, each of which points to (which is not to say “proves”) a physical resurrection. These mutations include the fact of a unified stratum of belief, the centralization of the theology of resurrection, the development of a precise definition of resurrection, the development of a two-stage theology of resurrection, and so on. For a complete listing and explanation of Wright’s mutations, see NT Wright. “Can We Believe in the Resurrection?” ABC Religion and Ethics, August 4, 2011. Accessed December 9, 2014. http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/04/22/3198806.htm.

6 John Meier. A Marginal Jew: Rethinking the Historical Jesus: The Roots of the Problem and the Person, Volume One (New York: Doubleday, 1991), 67-9. Skeptics claim that Josephus’ account of Jesus includes interpolations. This is a fair assessment due to the theological implications present in the account. However, most scholars agree that a basic framework of facts are retained, including Jesus’ teaching and preaching ministry, his reputation as a miracle worker, his crucifixion under Pilate, and a growing group of believers that refused to abandon its devotion to him after his death.

7 Ibid., 89-90. Some skeptics have argued that Tacitus’ statement about Jesus is a later addition to the Annals. This is highly unlikely due to the fact that it is attested in all manuscripts of the Annals, and also due to the extreme anti-Christian tone of the text.

8 Someone might argue that the Islamist’s devotion to Muhammed is the same sort of thing. That isn’t true by any means. No Islamist worships Muhammad. Islamists believe the Koran was written by him and further they believe that the Koran teaches about God, but Muhammad himself is not viewed as central to the religion, only central to its transmission. In this way, his teaching is a lot like the teachings of Buddha or Gandhi or even MLK. These teachers and leaders have had a great and lasting impact in the world, but again it is their teaching that is followed rather than their personhood being worshiped. People may continue to follow teaching after the teacher dies, but they don’t continue to place their trust in a king after he is dead.

9 The Gospel of John records Jesus making this declaration (John 18.36). This statement is singularly attested, and John’s gospel is the least likely to provide an accurate historical picture of the life of Jesus, according to many liberal scholars (primarily because its agenda is as theological as it is historical), however, the outcome of this statement is certainly true, even until the time of Constantine, who died in the fourth century. The faction of zealots present in second temple Judaism never appears in early Christianity. Even more meaningfully, the idea that the Messiah would be a militaristic leader in the legacy of King David is absent as well. In fact, early Christian practice and belief reflected the idea that their leader’s kingdom was in another time and place. They gave no indication that they believed that they would play any part in a takeover of Rome, their occupiers, at least not from a militaristic point of view.

10 New Testament scholar Darrell Bock explains regarding Jesus’ relatively humble entry into Jerusalem, “Jesus bore a different kind of power. It did not require soldiers; It required hearts.” See further, Darrell Bock. Who is Jesus? Linking the Historical Jesus with the Christ of Faith (New York: Howard Books, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc., 2012), 120.

Teaching My Son about Race

In the wake of the tragic events in Ferguson, MO, I’ve read numerous statements and opinions, and seen several videos about the happenings there, what the events mean, and what should be done about them. It’s all left me a bit frustrated. First, it’s sad that in 2014 we’re still having these issues. It’s not that I think there’s something magical about the time we live in, it’s just that we’re having the same “discussions” about race that we were having 20 years ago and in that time it’s obvious these discussions are getting us nowhere.

I don’t want to rant about the events that occurred, though I will say that I’ve heard nothing about them that helps me understand how a simple confrontation escalated to a life and death situation. This never should have happened, and local authorities need to take measures to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

But again, I don’t want to talk about the actual events. Instead I’d like to chime in on the many responses I’ve seen and read regarding the events. Much of the response has centered around the topic of raising young black males in today’s America. And, since I’m black, male, and was once young–a really long time ago, according to my kids–I thought I might add my own opinions to the cloud of opinions floating around out there. Not to mention the fact that I have a son and would like to make sure he is raised in a way that prepares him to meet the challenges the world presents him.

Is racism really still a problem today?

Yes, of course.

I’ve experienced racism. I’ve experienced it from police. I’ve experienced it from people I thought were my friends. I’ve even experienced it from my fellow Christians. And without caveat or shame, I’ll say it’s the most hurtful thing I’ve ever felt in my life. To be made to feel sub-human, like a person who is probably up to no good, who is naturally unintelligent, or who is just plain disgusting; these are feelings that in the past have caused me to lash out in anger, vow to never speak to another white person again, and even cry myself to sleep at night.

But the one thing I don’t want to do is teach my son to be defensive, bitter, angry, or to remain in the hurt that he will inevitably feel because of racism. Instead I want to teach him lessons on how to properly handle the ugly issues of race that will occur in his life. Three of these lessons I’ll outline just below. The fourth I will divulge at the end of the article. Sorry for the suspense, chalk it up to artistic license.

Three lessons I will teach my son about race

1. I will teach my son to have perspective

With some things our society at large has an automatic response of putting the events into perspective. For example, when a radical Islamist blows himself up, taking innocent bystanders with him, our society automatically (and rightly) lets us know that the vast majority of Muslims aren’t aiming to kill anyone. In fact, as an American, you will probably never even see a Muslim terrorist. (I say “probably” as obviously there are those Americans who have been harmed or threatened by Islamic terrorists.)

Likewise, I want to help my son understand that—assuming he’s not actually breaking the law—out of the potentially thousands of police officers he will encounter in his life, only a relative few will give him a hard time because of his race. And in these instances it will be a bit of attitude, a speeding ticket when he otherwise wouldn’t have gotten one, or maybe stopping him while he’s out for a run because he fits the profile of some suspected criminal. All these things have happened to me and to many black men I know at some point. But rarely will a law-abiding black man be harassed much more than that. Remember, I’m talking probability. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen.

And speaking of perspective, think about this fact: If you’re looking into the eyes of your black son, then he’s already cleared the biggest obstacle that prevents black babies from becoming black adults today.

Abortion.

As tragic as the shooting death of a young man is, how is it that we can be completely consumed with it and at the same time ignore (or reason away) the fact that, in a typical year, 400,000 black unborns die at the hands of abortion doctors? This represents far more per capita abortions than any other racial demographic. And these killings are performed using the most unspeakable methods, and would be considered cruel and unusual treatment in our society if you did the same thing to a stray dog. The greatest threat to black kids in America isn’t men wearing blue uniforms, but men wearing white lab coats, calling themselves doctors.

My point certainly isn’t that we should ignore police brutality or killings. All wrongful deaths are tragedies. All unfair treatment is injustice, and should be dealt with. But let’s have a bit of perspective to go along with the outrage.

2. I will teach my son to be a good father

As my son grows, I want him to learn all the traits that will help him be successful at life; traits like compassion, patience, hard work, self control, stick-to-it-tiveness. But more than this, I want him to be able to pass these traits on to his own son if he should have his own son one day. Because, although our society tries to ignore this fact, the truth is if you want your black son to avoid negative experiences with police and in life in general, then make sure his father is living in the home with him. A father who is always there is the single most important part of turning a boy into a man. It can make all the difference in how the child sees the world and how the world sees him, and most importantly, how the child sees himself. This is one of those facts that is true even if we don’t like it. Again, there are exceptions. I could name several myself. But they are exceptions.

3. I will teach him that racism can’t stop him

One of the problems I have with the many (maybe well-intentioned) white people who continually talk about and report on the difficulties facing black youth is the fact that, in the midst of all their pity, they’re giving our young men an excuse to fail. My dad taught me that racism may cause you to have to work twice as hard to get as far, but his “therefore statement” was, “so get off your butt and work!” Took me a while to learn it (I was pushing thirty, I think), but eventually this lesson took hold. Today, I feel like the message we’re telling kids is, “You’re going to have to work twice as hard, so why even try?” I want to teach my son that this great nation offers you a lot of opportunities, but you have to be the one to take advantage of them. Yes, you will experience racism, but racism can’t stop you. It may set you back, but I’m a person who believes that the difficulties that don’t make you quit, make you stronger.

Now I’m aware that when someone says these things, what I call the “enlightened crowd” will tell you that you’re practicing the art of “blaming the victim.” But here’s the thing: BEING BLACK DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE A VICTIM! Yes, like all people and maybe more than most, a black youth might be victimized in his life, but that fact should never define a person’s entire existence. That’s not what God built you for.

Is that all?

That’s not all I want to teach my son. The innumerable lessons I want to teach him couldn’t possibly be defined in a single blog post, but here are a few other things I want to teach him that might prove useful, in no particular order.

• To value education: By this I mean I want him to develop a real love for learning, and not just going through the act of sitting in a desk. I want him to know how to think critically and evaluate ideas without being driven solely by emotion.
• To treat women with respect: The only time I thought my dad was actually going to end my life was the time I hit my sister in anger. I mean, she hit me first. Honest. And since I’m a year and a half younger, she was actually bigger than me at the time. But my dad didn’t seem to want to hear any of that. I want to pass this on.
• To have a heart of forgiveness: Fact: People are going to make mistakes. But, like you, they can learn from them. Let them.
• To admit it when you’re wrong: If you want to maintain any meaningful relationship you’ll have to practice this one. When you get really good, you’ll learn to admit you’re wrong even when you’re not. This one is an essential in marriage.
• To be humble: Note to my son: God’s going to teach you this anyway, kid, so we might as well get it out of the way. You’d rather me teach you humility than him, anyway. Trust me.
• To stop playing in the dog’s water bowl: I hope my son gets this lesson down soon because it’s disgusting and it annoys his mom and the dog.

You may have noticed that the things I want to teach my son are much like the things any dad would want to teach his boy. That’s because, that’s exactly what they are. You see, the important part of the phrase “black man” is the word “man.” On the way to raising your black son to be a black man, let’s not neglect the “man” part of the equation. Because the reality is, he’s going to be black. I have to tell you, that part isn’t optional. So teach him to be a man. That’s really what he needs anyway, and that is, in fact, all you can do for him. Let him determine what “being black” means to him. It’s ok. He’s a free creation of God.

Where does this leave us?

If there were ever a time we needed reminding that the great American experiment is still just that—an experiment—it’s now. The very idea that people of differing backgrounds and ethnicities can live together in freedom and choose to, not only coexist, but truly love each other is crazy. And I’m becoming more and more concerned about our ability to pull it off. Increasingly, it’s a feat that appears to be beyond the limits of human ability. So, I’ll leave you with the fourth (and most important) lesson I want to teach my son about race.

4. I want to teach my son to love Jesus Christ

The most important thing I want to teach my boy is to love Christ more than himself. If I can do that one thing, really, the rest of life, including issues of race, will fall into place. Because honestly, trying to live in harmony with oneself, much less with our fellow man is an impossible task without Christ. I believe that if true unity is ever going to happen in this world, it’s going to start amongst those who have been reconciled with God through Jesus Christ. The reality is, I don’t see much with my eyes that makes me think we’re even moving in the direction of racial unity, but I chose to believe in the power of Christ. I have seen his power at work in the world, even in my own life. And it is my prayer that one day that same power will be at work in the life of my son. Really, that’s the most valuable and only lasting thing I can give him.

But I have hope that it will be enough.

I Homeschool. And You Can Too!

                                  

Now we come to the time of the year known as Back To School. Time to shop for school supplies and for the kiddos to get back to the grind!

Maybe, just maybe, you’ve been toying with a slightly different idea and you are feeling like I was 6 years ago. Scared to death. So, I wanted to take a little time to encourage you. You can do this! It’s really not as hard as it may seem. And if I can do this crazy thing called homeschooling, you can too!

Here are some of my suggestions and ideas for taking the plunge into homeschooling. And no, a denim jumper and 12 passenger van are not required. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just not required.

1) Find a good curriculum.

When we decided to homeschool, I didn’t really know anyone personally who did it. I didn’t know that there was curricula specifically written for homeschoolers. I was clueless. Hopefully, you’re farther along than I was on this journey! If not, let me assure you, lack of curricula is not a problem. The opposite is true. You will have a hard time deciding what to buy because there is so much good stuff out there!

You may want to narrow down what you’re looking for. Cathy Duffy has an excellent book designed to help you decide what type of learner your child is and what kind of teacher you are, and then help you narrow down what might work well for you. Does a classical approach appeal to you? Start here. Have you heard of Charlotte Mason, and would love to incorporate that? Start here. Want something free that uses a Charlotte Mason approach and classic books? Check this out.

                               

Also, how much creative license do you want to take? Maybe you have a teaching background and you like to look at Pinterest and build your daily schedule from there. Sadly, that is not me. I prefer to have a curriculum that reads, “say this now,” with activities we can choose from. But I do prefer to pick my own curriculum for each subject rather than get it “all in one box.” Again, you have the freedom to choose what works for you and your child! And maybe you’re like me and have bought curriculum for your child and she cries every day because she hates it. Life is short. Scrap it, sell it used on homeschoolclassifieds.com or eBay, and buy something else. Too many good things out there to force your child to hate a subject forever because what you thought would work didn’t.

If you do know someone who homeschools, this is an excellent time to pick her brain. Ask if your friend can sit down and talk about what she does and doesn’t like. It may not work for you, but you’ll at least get some good ideas. I’m a curriculum junkie and I love talking about it! I’ll bet your friend is too. This brings us to my next point.

2) Join a homeschool group.

This was invaluable to me when we started! I found a group that allowed us to know other families who homeschooled. This served many purposes. I had other women that I could talk to and relate to. Women who were new to homeschooling and veterans who gave me so much guidance. We talked curriculum, dealing with kids at home, and just life in general. The kids and I packed up a lunch every week and joined them at a park for playtime and time to develop friendships. We went on field trips. We joined a co-op where my kids took a couple of extra-curricular classes every other week. In short, these women and families became our lifeline and best friends. I’m not sure I would have made it through the first year without them.

                                  

We moved to a new state two years ago and grieved the loss of this group and friends as we stumbled about, trying to find our way in a new place. We have since found another group and, once again, it is the lifeline for me and my kids. I cannot talk enough about the importance of having a group of families that you do this journey with. Get out there and make some homeschooling friends! You won’t regret it! (My 10 year old read this and said this was the most important point on the whole post.)

3) Make sure you understand homeschool-related laws for your state.

One of the first things you want to do as a new homeschooler is be sure you understand what is required of you in the state you live in. Each state is different. Some states require you report to the school district you live in with a form and attendance. Some states require you get your curriculum approved. Other states require absolutely nothing. Get acquainted with the law for where you live. Each state typically has a homeschool association. They will be able to provide you with information about what is required of you and may have a database to help you find a homeschool group in your area. They may even have a class for new homeschoolers, which is an added bonus! Check HSLDA for more information for help in finding your state association.

Above all, relax and enjoy the journey! Things may not turn out exactly like you had in mind, but that’s okay too. Remember your reasons for embarking on the journey to begin with, find support in a group, and let go.

I hope this helps to encourage you. If you homeschool currently and have some other advice to give a newbie, post it in the comments below! I’m sure they would welcome it!

The Scariest Part of Homeschooling

A few weeks back, my beautiful wife wrote a couple of posts about the homeschooling myths she believed before we started homeschooling (you can find them here and here). It got me to thinking about the feelings I had about homeschooling before we started down this path. In our case, it was rather different because I was the part of our family team who was leading the charge to homeschool, whereas, from what I’ve experienced, the wife is usually dragging the husband along toward homeschooling, kicking and screaming.

My First Concern

I had two main concerns that needed to be addressed before we started homeschooling, and my wife shared the first one in her blog post. I was concerned that removing our kids from public school would negate our ability to be salt and light in the world. I won’t go into the details about how I came to terms with this fear because my wife covers it very well in her post. Let’s just say I’ve found this reason to be problematic. For one thing, public school is not required for Christians to be salt and light in the world. Clearly, public school can’t be what Jesus had in mind when he encouraged his first-century followers to be salt and light. Secondly, I have experienced a lot more “evangelism” happening to Christians students by the world than the other way round, which is not to say that there aren’t some awesome young Christians coming out of public schools these days. There are plenty, and I’m thinking of a few right now. But, they are this way because of their awesome (and very involved) parents, not because of their schooling.

My Second (and most important) Concern

Truth is, I often hear the “salt and light” concern from many of my Christian friends who are considering a homeschool educational for their children. In fact, I would say it is probably the “number one” concern given when the subject of homeschooling is broached. That’s understandable. But interestingly, I’ve rarely heard my second concern ever voiced. That is, I was concerned about how our family finances would fare if we decided to take this path.

Wendy and I were a two income family. Sure, we paid for daycare, a cost that is usually negated when one parent stays home, but in our situation, the move to a single income family would have a high impact in every area of our financial outlook. It would affect the type of home we could live in, the cars we could drive, our vacation frequency, our vacation spots, how often we could eat out. Everything. No, it’s not going too far to say that we feel the financial effects of this decision every day of our lives, just as I knew we would before we took the plunge.

But, even though I hardly ever hear this homeschooling “con,” I imagine there are others who face this issue. If you’re one of them, let me say, yes, it has been, is, and will continue to be a difficult challenge for our family. As I said, being a single-income family these days is hard and scary. But let me encourage you, if you are like me and see this as one of the primary obstacles standing in your way, see it for what it is. It can be an incredible obstacle, but not an insurmountable one. Ultimately, there is only one question to ask when considering any challenge in life.

What is God’s will?

If you feel that God is leading your family toward an alternative form of education for your kids, then go for it. Maybe you’ll have to spend the next several months or years getting your finances in a position to do it, but the bright side is that there are many financial resources available today that can help you along the way, like Clark Howard, Dave Ramsey, and Crown Ministries.

Being in a position of continual dependence upon God’s provision is scary, but worth it in the end. And if, in the end, you make the decision to homeschool, His mighty hand will guide you through it. Hope this encourages you whichever way you choose to go!

Homeschool Dad: Get in the Game

As a homeschool dad there are times when I feel separated from the “education” part of our children’s education. It’s easy to get into the mode of thinking, “hey honey, my job is to, you know, have a job, and all that.”

Hey, I even emptied the dishwasher the other day. How great is that?

In all seriousness, I don’t want to downplay the role we guys traditionally play in supporting the family, but I’ve been thinking of ways I can involve myself more in our kids’ education. After all, the idea of being more involved is why my wife and I chose to homeschool in the first place, so why not?

There are easily a hundred things a person could say about how a dad can be more involved at home, but I think I’ll stick to a few things that  1.) I’ve actually tried myself and 2.) my wife seems to appreciate. Both of these criteria are important because there are a lot of ideas I’ve tried that my wife didn’t care for at all. So let’s not dwell on all those things…

Here goes. Quick and easy.

1. Support your kids’ teacher: Intentionally showing your kids’ teacher that you appreciate her should be a frequent occurrence if you’re a homeschooling dad. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or break the bank. In fact, it can be as simple as this:
   

Tell her what a great job she’s doing: This can take the form of a notecard she finds unexpectedly on her mirror, a more “official” Thank You card or note (make it a Hallmark moment, or something). Or, heaven forbid, just look into her eyes when you’re alone and tell her what a great job she does. Of course, I’m assuming your child’s homeschool teacher is your wife. Otherwise, trying this suggestion might be a little creepy.

Get more involved in what she’s teaching: Help her to make curriculum choices as you approach a new year. Find out some of the details with regard to coursework and provide input, and proactively play the role of school principal. For whatever reason, kids will sometimes behave like civilized human beings when they know there is a Day of Wrath coming when dad gets home.

Give a care: Have concern for her well-being. After all, she spends most of her waking hours with people less than half her age. That can be very taxing, to say the least. Especially when they’re her own kids. You’d be surprised (I know I am) how even something simple can encourage her and help her make it through the day. For instance, simply listening when she calls you at work to tell you about how your daughter has initiated her own potty training program by having a seat…INSIDE THE TOILET BOWL! Taking a moment from your work to laugh with your wife about this can be a big help.

Let me be clear. None of these things come natural for me. I have to remind myself to practice them quite often. And I go through periods when I never do any of this stuff. But on the occasions that I do, I can tell from the look in my wife’s eyes that it’s the little things that touch her in a special way. There is some truth to the maxim “Happy-Wife, Happy-Life.” So I suppose it’s worth it.

2. Educate on the fly: One of the top two or three things Wendy and I love about homeschooling is the fact that it separates the concept of learning from the concept of a classroom setting. We want our kids to understand that learning has very little to do with brick buildings and desks and chalk…or do they use dry erase boards now? I may be showing my age. Yes, school is a place where you can learn. But it’s not the only place. I would dare say, if you want any level of mastery of a subject, it’s not even the primary place. So, doing something like quizzing your kids on topics they’ve learned while you’re outside playing ball together or going on a nature walk to study the insects they’ve been learning about or any one of a million possibilities that might be appropriate for your situation. There’s no right or wrong. The point is showing them that learning is something that can happen at any time and in any setting.

3. Teach a course: This can be a good way to get involved when there are courses that your wife doesn’t feel comfortable teaching. Maybe you’re the math wiz, or maybe, like my wife, she has no desire to deal with any kind of dead thing. So why not do an animal dissection lab? Whatever it is, it’ll make you go through a process that your wife employs all the time. Planning a course from start to finish and executing the delivery. It’ll be a nice change of pace for your child, and an opportunity for spending intentional time with him or her.
   My oldest daughter and I are studying a Christian philosophy course together. Every Saturday morning we spend an hour or so at the local Mickey D’s working through our course book. We’ve both learned a lot (at least I have), but more importantly, it’s been great just spending time alone with her, eating breakfast, conversing about our wonderful God, and just listening to her talk about that great big category of things that can perhaps best be described as “stuff.”

Again, let me emphasize, these are just some tips I’ve learned that work with my wife. The beauty of homeschooling, and by extension being a homeschool dad, is that there is no right or wrong. Own it, and let your only rule be the love you share with your family. Hope this topic spurs your thinking toward that end!

Please comment and let me know some things you (or, if you’re a mom, your husband) have tried to get in the game!

Homeschooling Myths…That I Had, Part 2

Welcome back! I’m outlining some of the myths I bought into and other things that made me anxious about homeschooling before we began this journey. Last time I talked about my fear of homeschoolers being sheltered and of not being “salt and light.” If you missed that post, find it here.

This time I tackle three more myths I believed. Again, all of these are common myths that I have heard from others. I am sharing them to give you a little more about our journey. I am not telling you how you should educate your children. This is a decision for your family to make. This is only written in the spirit of encouraging those on the fence about homeschooling or who are new to homeschooling. Moving on.

3. Homeschoolers are not socialized.
This is the big question most homeschoolers get: “What about socialization?” Let’s first get on the same page about what we mean. Because most of the time, we are not talking about what we think we’re talking about. Confused yet? Me too.

So, what is socialization? Dictionary.com defines socialization as “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.”

I was not thinking about that definition of socialization back when I was initially concerned about it. In my mind, this was basically the “homeschoolers are weird and slightly antisocial” argument. I was afraid my kids would be isolated in our nuclear family and not have friends. And be just a little bit odd. Something like this popped up in my mind.

What I have come to realize is that my kids are a little weird.  They have quirks unique only to them. And that’s ok because I’m a little weird too. In fact, almost every friend I’ve ever met has some sort of quirk. And those quirks are usually why I love them. They are real people. Flawed and beautiful.

(Proof my children may not be socialized)

We may be weird but we are in no way antisocial and are involved in many activities with many different groups. So many that my husband often jokes that we need to “put the home  back in homeschooling.”

What I’ve come to realize is that the more I read the definition of socialization above, the more I am convinced that we are right where we should be. I don’t want my children to get a sense of their “personal identity” from an entity that does not share my Christian worldview. Do I really want them to learn the “norms, values, behavior” of an entity that is sometimes in direct opposition and has largely banned my faith from within its walls? This is just the tip of the iceberg on this one. I really could write a whole lot more, but I think I’ll save that for another blog post.

4. How will I teach my child for 8 hours a day?
I was very nervous to start teaching and had no idea what I would do with my child for 8 hours a day! I mean, how many worksheets can one person do with a kindergartner? I didn’t have a teaching certificate so how in the world would I teach my child? I pictured myself sitting at our dining room table for an entire day and being bored to death. Literal death. This idea was, needless to say, very unappealing to me.

What I know now is that education encompasses so much more than time spent working on a worksheet. Education happens all of the time. Kids are sponges, absorbing everything we say and do. Very rarely do I sit at the dining room table. More often than not, I am floating between children working on a specific subject, reading a book to my little one, teaching my middle child about fractions through baking something yummy, trying to keep the very little one occupied, or searching YouTube for some visual aids for our topic at hand. (Side note, don’t search for videos of cougars while your kids look on. Really, it’s not good. While you may be looking for some audio of a cougar’s sounds in the wild, YouTube users have something else totally different in mind.)

Being a homeschooling mom is a lot of things but never, ever boring. It challenges my ability to multi-task in ways that stretch and grow me. And even better, it has taught me that just as my kids are learning, I am learning along with them and enjoying it!

5. How will I teach my child subjects that I did not enjoy in school A.K.A. will I have to dissect a frog in my kitchen?
I have a confession to make here. I graduated from high school and college with the belief that I hate science. It was my most dreaded subject. I really hated it. I felt competent in all my other subjects, but the thought of teaching science almost made me break out in hives. And the thought of having the smell of formaldehyde mixed in with whatever I was cooking for dinner really turned my stomach.

When I went to a question-and-answer homeschool meeting, I asked the question about frog dissection, to which I received this wise answer. Don’t cross bridges before you come to them.

My daughter was about to start Kindergarten at the time. Why was I already sweating high school subjects? Take every year one at a time and don’t make yourself ill worrying about what might not be a problem when you get there.

And today homeschooling is so popular that there are many different ways people handle these issues with the many resources available to us. Maybe your child will take biology or other higher-level sciences and maths at a hybrid school. Maybe your child will take some classes at a local community college for dual enrollment. The main thing is don’t sweat it until you need to.

The other thing I learned was that I actually love science! Crazy, I know. How could I have hated learning about this amazing and fascinating world that we live in? Finding the right curriculum has certainly helped to make this a subject that our entire family loves. I never could have predicted that 6 years ago!

Time for you to give me some more thoughts on myths that you used to believe! Feel free to chime in with comments. I’m sure there are many that I have left out or that are unique to your story!

Homeschooling Myths…That I Had

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this article on the Onion here. Of course it is a tongue-in-cheek pros and cons list, but it got me to thinking about some common misconceptions I had about homeschooling.

Although I love homeschooling now, the truth is that I originally had different ideas about what homeschooling is and why we, as a family, should avoid it . . . like the plague. Actually, I’m pretty sure I had the thought that all people should avoid homeschooling and you were crazy if you didn’t. I didn’t know anyone who had not gone to a traditional school and Jason and I were both public school grads. Enter God and his awesome way of humbling me.

HUGE DISCLAIMER: My purpose in telling our journey to homeschool is only to encourage those on the fence about homeschooling or who are new to homeschooling. Although I love what I do, I would not propose to tell you how to educate your children. Please do not read my comments as a judgmental tirade against what you should or shouldn’t do regarding education.

So, without further ado, here are the homeschooling myths I personally had:

1. Homeschoolers are sheltered.
I envisioned my kids being homeschooled, going out into the “real world” (whatever that means), and falling off of a spiritual cliff because they only know what we had taught them. I’m sure this has happened at one point or another and there is a kid somewhere who feels he missed out on something because he was educated at home. Maybe he went off to college and began to believe that he had been lied to and then decided to reject his upbringing, including his Christian faith. This happens. It also happens to kids who go to public and private school. (See this.)

However, I’ve come to believe that our kids need to be sheltered. And, as adults, we need to shelter and guard our own hearts as well.

A quick search provides me with the definition of “shelter” as “a refuge or haven.” In our current world, I can only hope that our home will be defined by my children as “a refuge or haven.” Indeed, God is often described as that as well. Psalm 91:1-2 says, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”

Now, sheltering is not the same thing as burying your head in the sand and pretending that evil does not exist. It does and we are encountered with it daily. Educating my children at home won’t change this fact.

For the record, we teach our children all of the same things, including the theory of evolution, that are taught in a public school setting. We just teach it through our lens of a Christian worldview. When they grow up and go off to college and a career, they will make their own choices. My daily prayer is that they will choose Christianity but ultimately it is their choice. We live under no false illusions about that.

2. As Christians, we are called to be “salt and light.”
This is a reference to Jesus’s words from the Sermon on the Mount. Specifically, Matthew 5:13-16: “You are the salt of the earth…You are the light of the world…Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

Before we entered homeschooling, I thought there was no way we could be salt and light if we were not fully engaged in a full time school setting. Further, I thought our kids could only be salt and light in a traditional public school setting.

The problem with my thinking was that I was expecting my children to be salt and light. How can this happen if I have not brought them up in what that means? We are not naturally salt and light. This is why Jesus tells us to be something other than what we are naturally.

The truth about being salt and light is that I should not give my children the responsibility given to me to share the gospel with others. I believe they should come along side my family as we love on those around us and minister to others in a way that truly lets our “light shine before men” for the sole purpose of glorifying our Father in heaven. But, placing our kids in school (or sports or ballet or anything else) should not be our primary method of achieving this.

Relationships with other families with kids our age is certainly easier when we are in a school setting, but there are many ways to accomplish the same result. And more importantly, we are not in direct conflict with Jesus’s teaching when we choose to educate within a Christian worldview, no matter the setting.

For Next Time…
Provided I have not stepped on everyone’s toes, join me again next time as I cover a few more myths that I believed! Included will be the number one myth I hear from people outside of homeschooling, which is the fear that my kids will not be “socialized.”

Time for you to chime in! What are some myths you believed about homeschooling?

Feel free to fail

I utterly reject the notion that women are more emotional creatures than men. The fact is, we guys can be every bit as emotional as our wives. We just have a different way of showing it.

Before I lose my man card, let me emphasize that, like most guys, I don’t usually show my emotions with teary eyes and warm cheeks. I’m much too masculine for all that. (At least in public.) We guys will instead resort to angry words or complete emotional detachment. And being natural fixers, a lot of us simply learn to preempt these emotions by avoiding the things that cause them.

Failure is without a doubt one of the chief causes of emotional turmoil for men. Who knows why? Maybe it’s because of our powerful desire to win. We love winning. We love it so much that we make up things to do just so we can win. I’m convinced that’s why most sports were invented–to give us a 50% chance to win at something. Women play sports for exercise, bonding, and fun. (I’m not sure what they’re thinking.) Men play sports to win, which is why kids’ sports leagues that don’t keep score are completely pointless.

Ok, maybe not completely pointless.

Our craving to win isn’t all bad. It can actually spur us into a deeper intimacy with our wives when we recognize their ongoing need to be “won” again and again. (But that’s a whole other blog post!) The problem comes when our love for winning goes sour, and turns into an excessive fear of failure. This causes us to avoid stepping up and taking on the role of spiritual leader.

See, that role isn’t ours just because we’re men. Titles don’t make leaders. Leaders are made because they do things worth following. It’s a role we have to intentionally take on every single day. It’s doubly hard in my case because I’m married to a natural born leader, and apparently my spiritual gift is nodding and mindlessly saying “ok” repeatedly.

Worse yet, I’ve noticed that a dangerous habit of mine is to avoid issues that need to be dealt with because of my fear of making a mess of things. I hate making a mess of things. (Ever notice that “making a mess of things” looks suspiciously like failing?) So, why not just do nothing?

You can’t make a fool of yourself if you avoid making an unconditional apology for a wrong you committed. You won’t make a decision you’ll later regret if you never consider moving your family to a new city or choose an alternative form of schooling for your kids. Your family will never be mad at you if you don’t set rules for internet/mobile device usage, enforce a stricter budget, or confront a teen about his or her music/clothing choices. Your wife can never really reject you if you’re not really pursuing her. Can she?

I’m going to let you in on a theory I’ve been working on. It’s still a work in progress, but here it goes. In this life, God’s plan for us often includes failure.

There. I said it.

I know your mind wants to immediately reject the notion and present a counter case against the idea. But let’s take a look at some of the evidence.

God told Moses to go to Pharaoh and instruct him to let the Israelites go into the wilderness to sacrifice to the LORD.  Then God adds, “But I will harden his heart, so that he will not let the people go.” If I’m Moses, I’m thinking, wait, you’re sending me to make a request to the king of all Egypt, and you’re going to actively ensure that he doesn’t go along with it? LORD, why can’t we just skip ahead to the plague phase of this plan?

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul is a name that conjures up images of the perfect Christian servant. But in 2 Corinthians 11 we see that Paul suffered greatly in completing God’s mission. He was beaten, pelted with large stones, shipwrecked, adrift at sea for a whole night and day, and experienced constant danger from enemies (and friends), many of whom seemed intent on liberating him from his life.

Not even Jesus was exempt from this pattern. He humbled himself in becoming a man to save people from the punishment that we deserve for our sins, and for all his efforts he was betrayed, rejected, framed, tortured, abandoned, and eventually killed. Slowly and painfully killed. And the gospels make a point to tell us that this was all a part of the “cup” that God had prepared for him.

Moses, Paul, and Jesus all accomplished God’s purpose in the end. They all ultimately won. But they had to travel the pathway of rejection and failure to do it.

We probably won’t have to endure physical torture as we lead our families into God’s will. But these examples show us that God isn’t going to go out of his way to keep us from failing every now and again as we follow him.

It’s true that most of us feel completely inadequate for the task. I certainly do. But I’m learning that it’s not just a feeling, but a recognition of reality. Because I am indeed inadequate. Leading my family is so great a responsibility that I sometimes just want to hide in a cave to escape it. Maybe you feel the same. But is anything too hard for our God?

After telling us about the “fun” he experienced in serving God, Paul goes on the write, “I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10)

So leading up to this Father’s Day, I think we should all feel dis-empowered. Forget about telling yourself that you’re man enough for the task. You’re not. None of us are. Instead, let’s rest in God, secure in our relationship in Christ, knowing that we are not only free from the power of sin, but also free of the need to win.

The hardest part of homeschooling that no one tells you about

As I think about homeschooling, many thoughts come to mind: pros and cons, encouragement for the new homeschooler, the dirty “s-word” of homeschooling (otherwise known as socialization).

Then I think about the hardest part of homeschooling. Yes, teaching my kids at home is hard, but not in the way you think.

See, when we first started this journey, we decided we would not send our daughter to Kindergarten, but would begin teaching her at home. This was an idea that my husband and I had toyed with for a couple of years. We finally decided to take the plunge. And I was terrified. Literally terrified.

Here were my fears: How will I teach my daughter to read? What if she falls behind in school? Will I damage her academically? What will I do every day? How do I know if I’m teaching her the right stuff? And on and on and on.

I know someone out there has blogged about this before, but I’ll say it again. The schoolwork is the easiest part of homeschooling. (Now, granted I haven’t gotten to Chemistry and Calculus yet, so I’ll let you know if I change my mind when I get there.)  We are very lucky to live in a “golden age” of homeschooling. If you need help in teaching a subject, you can find it, whether it be an a la carte class, a class over the internet, or a textbook. Truth was spoken by that great educator Albus Dumbledore when he said that help will always be given to those who ask.

But I’ve learned the hardest part of teaching my kids is me. Yep, me. Specifically, me as a wife and parent, living with a husband and 4 children. I have this thing I like to call a “Romans 7” problem. “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing” (Romans 7:19, ESV). And the funny thing about having a Romans 7 problem is that it is intensified when I am in close proximity to other people. As long as I am all alone, sipping a latte, I can convince myself that I am the most generous, loving, kind person I know. I can quote 1 Corinthians 13 with my name in the place of the word “love” and think, “Yes! I totally do that!” But when my view is this:

I’m reminded every minute that I am a wretch. Paul sums it up nicely: “Wretched man that I am!” (Romans 7:24a, ESV) When one of my daughters does that one thing that drives me up a wall and I go into ballistic mommy mode yet again, even though I woke up and swore that I would not enter ballistic mommy mode today, I am reminded that I am indeed in need of a savior.

When people see my 4 kids and find out we homeschool, usually words like “Wow! I could never do that!”, “I would never have the patience to do that”, and “you must be a saint” come out of their mouths. But in actuality, some days I can’t do it. I don’t have patience, and I am far from a saint. I have to apologize and ask for forgiveness from my children more times than I care to count. But thankfully, to quote my Bible study leader, God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. The more I homeschool, the more I am convinced that God did not call me to homeschool to change my kids but to change me. He uses homeschooling to keep me completely dependent on Him. Right where I need to be.

The good news is that God does not leave us in our Romans 7 problem. Paul asks in the second half of Romans 7:24, “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Then in true Pauline form, he answers that question, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:25a). And I am reminded of His great sacrificial love and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Except maybe that ballistic mommy mode. Definitely not going to do that one again tomorrow.